I was scared and risked it anyway

These past 2 weeks have been full of changes. I took a big risk, followed my bliss and closed down my property management business after almost 3 years. I created that management business handling about $20,000 in vacation rentals. I outsourced myself and put a team in place and been pretty much out of the day-to-day operations for about a year. Pretty cool accomplishment especially considering it was a business I was never passionate about. I have been extremely grateful this business allowed me to live for free in Hawaii (aka I made about enough to pay the rent for a 3 bedroom house for my family) so I stuck it out all the while dreading it.

At the beginning of January, I fired my biggest client and it felt great! What a win! I took that risk to feel better and not cling to an account because of money-motivated fear. I spent January feeling good to be done with it yet still apprehensive of losing all that income. Well right at the end of the month, my second biggest account unexpectedly folded. I was in the short term vacation rental business and the owner just received an official notice he had to stop because the property wasn’t zoned for it. This was the text I’d been expecting and dreading for years, the source of so much anxiety because I knew this business wasn’t stable.

Now I’m losing about 75% of my income brought in from these 2 accounts. What is my step next? Over the next few days I thought and thought choose to not let fear win. I didn’t want to keep doing something that I didn’t want to it just because I was scared of not having enough money. Property management is not my bliss and will never be. So I made the choice to stop managing all accounts, even the legal, thriving ones.

So… now it’s a new week with a new start. I really really really want to support myself and thrive from this blog. I want myself and my writings to be enough. I have seen this vision since 2013 and now I need it to be fulfilled. I can do it and I can trust it works. Everything I need is here and the universe can conspire and deliver it to me because I believe it does.

Back to my original title and not making fear-based decisions. Actions spawned in fear will not produce the abundance I’m seeking. Instead, I must “act as if” and I am thinking through choices from an abundance mentality, or at least striving to! I take a big step back and remind myself that I’ve got this!

There’s a lot of stuff buzzing around my head. I have been wanting to travel although a huge part of me is scared that I’m running from homelessness. The fear-based part of me is so scared to give up my house here and feel like there’s not another option. Well, it’s true that I don’t want to stay living in my exact house. I also am not really interested in finding another house to rent on Kauai. I am tired of renting. I want to live on my own land. And that’s when my fear pops up big time.

I do not have the ability in this moment to have what I want. (Eeep, even thinking those words hurt bc I know it’s not true. I can create anything, NOW!) I want to live on my Hawaiian estate right now and build my dream house. I don’t want to travel now. I want to be living on my land. I already know the property I want. And I also know I don’t want a mortgage, ever. I always own my assets and in debt to no one. However, I don’t have a hundred million dollars in cash right now to buy my property. So…fear sets me running! What is my next move?

I don’t have the life I want right now so I’m in limbo to create it. Do I create it on Kauai – the idea of scrambling to earn enough income to pay rent each month isn’t appetizing. I really don’t want to take a JOB just to be able to keep living in a house I’m not thrilled with the landlord upstairs monitoring our every move: did we break his garbage rules, no pets or loud noises and I’m constantly afraid of him coming down to scold me – it’s like living with my dad! (No offense Daddy!)

The idea of not living here at my current place thrills me tho where are we going next scares me! My “I can’t afford it” pops up and really freaks me out. We can keep living here bc it’s safe and not that bad. Traveling? Isn’t that an excuse and distraction to avoid getting a place and also fleeing from being homeless. Eep, that’s some scary thoughts. So to bring them back I started switching to a positive abundance mentality. And it brings me back to blogging!

Here’s what I journaled this morning and my fear-based thought process surrounding my daughter’s schooling

At the end of this entry, I did some BSFF treatment for negative feelings about money. And then my writing started getting goofy. I couldn’t form the words right. This happens occasionally sometimes in writing or technology where it just won’t work. So I have learned not to force it and just come back later. So I left my writing there and made this post.

Fear is not fun. It’s the opposite of love. Fear and love, same energy just the polarity of one another. So by listening to the fear I can switch it to love what I’m feeling just by recognizing it’s there. I am fearful of traveling and not bringing in abundant new income. Yet I am not going to make my actions reflect that. I am going to act as if I already have all the money in my account and move forward know I am always taken care of. I KNOW that I will be much happier than staying stagnant where I’m at now and that is how I conquer fear one thought at a time.